Delivery/Collections
Collections:
We are more than happy for you to collect your purchases from us personally or we will work with your own carriers including assisting with packaging as required.
Deliveries:
We offer two types of delivery :
The £5 special - at your liability -where we have no idea of the identity of the driver, when, or even if, it will arrive and you have to accept that you will be happy for it to be launched onto your lawn from a speeding van.
Or the other type ( the one we prefer) where we work together to ensure that the right carrier is used for the object you have purchased and that it arrives in good condition, when you expect it and with helpful delivery people.
The cost of this will vary according to the object and destination and any specific delivery requirements.
If we happen to be passing, or somewhere near, we will deliver for free. Likely if you are in the south- east and a racing certainty if you are in kent
( No it won't be free to row out to an island with it / carry it up fifteen floors because the lifts broken / remove your front window and refit it because you forgot to measure your doorways first.) We are quite happy to do all of the above including arranging delivery anywhere in the world but there will be a cost involved.
Awkward situations:
No I don't mean where you have done something unspeakable to the delivery chaps and are now too ashamed to let them go. I am referring to the placement of items within your property. If you require that the item be placed in a particular room or several rooms if you can't make your mind up please let us know prior to despatch and we will probably send it with a couple of our people who are used to such things. ( not used to the unspeakable bit but used to patiently and politely moving things around without smashing everything to smithereens and traipsing dog poo into the carpet)
International delivery
We are happy to arrange a carrier on your behalf or work with your own carriers. Please contact us to discuss the details
Returns
Having been lucky enough to lay your hands on one of our fantastic objects what on earth would you want to send it back for ? But if you really must then follow the following:
" I have broken it and now want my money back"
No, that is not an option. But, send me a photo of the damage and we may be able to put you in touch with a restorer / dealer who may offer you enough to cover your embarrassment.
" it arrived broken" We do not send out broken things unless we list it as broken or damaged . If it has been broken in transit we will do everything we can to terrify the carriers into resolving this to our mutual agreement
"I don't like it " - No problem , if you really can't find a relative to give it to and you can't think of anything else to do with it except sending it back to us then please do so.
Firstly - notify us within seven days of purchase in writing, either by post or email of your wish to return the item and that it is on its way back to us.
Then, if you package the thing up safely and send it back to us, within 14 days of purchase, at your expense, providing it arrives in the condition it was sent out in then we are happy to give you a full refund of the original purchase cost of the item less the cost of any special delivery requirements ( did you forget that you had asked us to row out to an island with it / carry it up fifteen floors because the lifts broken / remove your front window and refit it because you forgot to measure your doorways first etc etc. ? ) .
Please try to remember that we are probably total strangers and although happy customers are very important to us it would be very rude of you to expect me to be out of pocket owing to your chronic indecision
"I ordered a chest of drawers and you sent me a stuffed groundhog - again"
If we make a mistake we will put it right as soon as we are able. We make so few mistakes that when we do we can afford to be completely, overwhemingly, sickeningly apologetic and will rush about and fawn over you until you are happy again or we will give you your money back